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The Lawson Bathhouse
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"I'M SWEDISH SPONGEBOB! I HATE YOU, FUCK OFF!" Shrek shouted, throwing their wedding dildo out the window. Spongebob has been in the Anti-Scand group for over a year and hasn't told Shrek about it. "Honey, I can explain!" said Spongebob. "Explain THIS!"

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And now for an educational interlude, involving an emotionally-disturbed, unwilling dog.


The florescent "Open" sign above the entrance clicked. It, alongside the dingy exterior lighting coming from the store front, are the only sources of light available on the block. The "Open" sign was noticeably bright whenever it tried to turn on, coating the walls and things nearby in an orange hue for a split second.

Speaking of what's nearby...

"I always loved you doing that to me," said the rabbit. His face was contorted in an expression that could only be described as Charles "Squint-eye" Bronson, loaded on Valium, "Sucking my penis that is."

"I know so," said the rat, groaning as if he weren't shamelessly deepthroating the whole package in public, "I will suck out your sperm from your penis made by the testicles."

"That is good," said the rabbit, while Alfred stared at them in disbelief, "I think we are nearing that place now."

At that moment, Alfred lost his nerve, and before he could catch himself, he said out loud what he was thinking.

"What the flying FUCK is this FAGGOT ASS SHIT?!"


The two gay furries turned to face the stranger that has apparently been watching them for some time, startled by the encounter. This gave Alfred a better look at the two.

The rat man looked clean, and was well dressed for somebody giving head out on the street late at night. The green suit that he's wearing made him look tall, sharp and slim, especially now that he stopped stuffing his narrow brown face full of dick.

The rabbit man's clothes were more casual, in comparison. He wore a light blue polo shirt that had what looked like wet spots and dried stains on it, as well as around the shirt's pink collar. Even his white face looked stained, despite the lack of better lighting.

They both looked around their mid-thirties.

"Uhh, practicing for a clarinet recital?" said the rabbit.


The rabbit and the rat's hard, gay cocks and balls were exposed and pointing right at him. Alfred couldn't help but notice a twinge of arousal in the rabbit man's face as he said this, as if he was anticipating something. The rat man was still in the zone, meanwhile, and was raking his eyes all over Alfred's body, when he wasn't sneaking glances at the rabbit's dick.

Not here.

Not now.

Alfred needed to change the subject, fast.

"ANYWAYS, what's with this place?" he said, gesturing towards the boarded up store.


"It's incredibly sketchy and dirty looking as ass, do they sell body parts here or something?" The dog retched as he empathized the word ass; it was the most polite way that he could describe the smell.

"Not at all," said the rat, seeming a bit more composed than before, "It's a convenience store in matter of fact."

"That it is," said the rabbit, "It's called Lawson in fact of course."

Alfred noticed the rabbit's left hand was now sliding up and down his penis.


"Uhhh, do they have a bathroom or anything here?" Alfred said as the bile built up inside his throat. Did he just screw himself here? Goddammit, they might follow him.

"Of course," said the masturbating rabbit, "We love going there in matter of fact."

Alfred didn't have the courage to tell him to stop.


"Yeah, great. Uh, you guys sure this is a real store?" Alfred said, giving himself the excuse to look away from the creeps to glance at the store front again before he puked. There was no sign of any sort that indicated that this was supposed to be Lawson; it was just the same Hustler magazine-esque tits and dicks pictures amongst other things.

Things such as Michael Jackson feeding a dying kitten chocolate ice cream with a spoon.

Things like the members of The Beatles running over screaming Afghani children inside of their customized Russian brand harvesters, during one of their private "concerts" the world governments aren't allowed to acknowledge.

There was even a picture of Kurt Cobain shortly after his suicide, slumped against the wall with his head blown apart by a shotgun.


The busted florescent orange "Open" sign gave no clues, either. It was also very loud, and grating. Was it always this loud?

"That I am," said the rabbit through gritted teeth, by now furiously masturbating, "I love this convenience store very much of course."

"I love it," said the rat, "I am glad we all come together to Lawson in fact."

"Same here," said the orgasming rabbit, "We love this convenience store in fact of course."

"I agree," said the rat, kneeling down and massaging the rabbit's balls with his hands and tongue while looking straight at Alfred, "This is the best convenience store I know, which is called Lawson by the way in matter of fact of course."


That's it. Anywhere is better than being next to these creepy fuckers. Alfred rushed inside without a second thought.

Anywhere had to be better than this. Anywhere.



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Back from the dead 25 Points Kill 10 zombies (in one session) Medal Stats.
Defeat Sheriff 25 Points Defeat Sheriff Medal Stats.
One hotdog please 5 Points Politely accept Medal Stats.
So what's new in 2010? 5 Points Adore the graphics, double jump, change the track... Medal Stats.
Defeat Clown 10 Points Defeat Clown Medal Stats.
Hotdog? No thank you 5 Points Politely decline Medal Stats.
Fifth Boss 50 Points Kill Fifth Boss Medal Stats.
Fourth Boss 25 Points Kill Fourth Boss Medal Stats.
Third Boss 25 Points Kill Third Boss Medal Stats.
Tenth Kill 10 Points Kill Tenth Enemy Medal Stats.

Total Medals Earned: 18 (From 3 different games.)